Sunday, August 17, 2008
ytd went woodlands lib to do proj... or rather say individ assignment... sherry michael n me... we looked for txtbks n den of cux tt's just all for referencing... nothing went into the mind at all... just main focus: referencing...
i did up the citation parts for most of it n den just emailed to sherry michael and shihao... had to keep shihao in the loop cux i know for sure his references as much as he said he has found 2... im highly doubtful of it... so just might as well send him la... hope he sees it thou...
anyways... today im actually supposed to go toa payoh lib to help someone out but then it seems tt im like just at home now... no plans made or anything... i hate waiting for something tt's like not going to happen... u know... just sitting ard n waiting n waiting... as much as i tell myself nvm lo... just do at home kinda thingy it's still hard?? it's just a hanging feeling i have tt i dun dare to admit... i guess tis is 1 of the major prob i have... i know tt 99% of the time is just mentioned for the sake of mentioning it yet i still carry hope for it... im so freaking stupid! wake up!
ytd nite went to xiaoshi's bdae party... the cake was... erm... i duno... "modern?!?!" haha... so cute! the effort n stuff put into it is good la but the design... let's just say i wun need it in like 40yrs time? haha... =p
before i went back, xiaoshi n peiyu gave me 2 separate hugs n told me not to do stupid things again... im def still in it but isit a stupid act? i duno... it seems to have improved yet not improved... thurs or rather fri i felt a little used?!? i duno if i can say tt... because i myself also duno wad the other person is thinking... on thurs nite i alr felt a little used by on fri aft thinking it thru i really felt like some kind of LB/W like tt... i felt tt the reason y the phonecall happened n wad we talked on the phone was some kind of like ploy to get me thr for another purpose... i seriously tot i was needed thr big time cux of the nerves of the other person but then when i reached it was miraculously not?
my sis is still under the impression tt someone was to fetch me at the train stn but then no... i just didn't dare to let her know... i had to lug the laptop n the accessories to take a bus n den walk in... not a v long walk in of cux.... but yeaps... i just dun dare cux if i let her know... she will just tell me tt im just acting like a doormat and nobody is to blame except for myself... as harsh as it sounds... it's thr truth n i have nvr at any moment blamed anyone else except for myself...
in any case, when xiaoshi n peiyu hugged me n told me to not do stupid stuff again, i really felt warm... i mean seriously... i duno... e things tt i have gone thru, esp the transition in feelings has i duno... locked my feelings up again? i feel that the door to my feelings has been closed again and i just duno how to open it again... i mean im afraid to really open up the door to face those feelings but then sometimes i just wanna just get over n done with it... crying is so not for me now simply really i cannot anymore... i somehow lost the ability to cry over this matter anymore... in fact thruout the whole thing, i tink i only cried twice... once was seriously quite liberating... the other i just felt plain stupid...
i duno y m i blogging here when im like super not done with my assignment but the waiting is killing me... can someone wake the other person up?! let the other person know tt pls dun always lie... or mention things just for fun because i really do take it seriously... i guess tis is how stupid im... i know tt it's just not gonna happen yet i still believe... im crazy... im really crazy... can i die now? i duno... ergh!
okies to end it, xiaoshi... the photos!! i wanna post it as much as how ugly i know i looked!! wahahah...
``Your name ; 1:13 PM